So it’s been more or less one week since I started on this newest journey here, but hey, here we are.
I’ve got the beginnings of a habit forming here, now I just need to keep up the practice.
It’s not hard, it just takes doing it every day to slowly build over time.
While chronologically it has been one week since I started this little endeavour, this is only my sixth post. If I had really lived up to the original challenge, this would potentially have been post eight.
But it is not.
Oh, well.
It’s something I’ve realized for a bit and have been meaning to remedy, but as some may have noticed, I missed a few days on my whole 1-week ‘write every day’ challenge to myself. Conveniently, these happened to be the weekend. And now here I am writing again, so if we just say it’s a business day thing…
I dunno, just makin things up now.
So! Maybe not the habit I was hoping to establish, but hey, it’s still an improvement!
Now I’m juggling the three big draws I have on my attention: Laundry, Dinner, and Groceries. All three are important, but I can’t quite decide what order I want to go in.
Luckily, I’ve alleviated some of the draw of dinner by grabbing a jar of cashews out of the kitchen. I can (and sometimes do) eat the entire thing. A little over 1000kcal from what I understand for the whole thing. Still, it’s delicious and it hits the spot. Especially when I’m feeling low on blood sugar. It gives plenty of carbohydrate, but well-mixed with protein and fat. And it’s not like I eat the entire thing all at once. Just maybe 1/4 of it. Maybe closer to half.
Whatever, I dunno. I’ll call it an accomplishment if I can get all this stuff done tonight. Especially considering the distractions that always seem to pop up.
I mean, today already I got up early, caught the bus, went to work, got some cheap, healthy(ish) lunch, bused back home, and got caught up on some of my paperwork.
And now I’m writing!
Seriously; laundry, dinner, and groceries are just cake at this point!
It happened again. Almost like I was being responsible or something:
I wrote some more today. Just thought I’d share it:
Handwriting
And now here, the writing by hand. So much slower than typing, but no less important. The stream of consciousness here is slowed almost to a standstill. Forming the words, trying to plan in advance, and yet the scribble seems to be going about as fast as it possibly can.
Thought is so much faster, but so much more prone to misdirection and distraction and derailing. We really can only pay attention to one thing at a time.
So here’s the thought that’s knocking on my head: I want to donate my (PO)S-10 truck to KUTV and write a 250 word story on it. Maybe more. The story of my car history is somewhat interesting.
Now how much is in this little page? Est – 200.
A few things going on in my life right now:
Things I can improve on:
That’s about it for now. Just a good, high-level list of some of the main aspects of my day to day living at the moment.
When I can’t think of anything to write, I usually default to stream of consciousness writing. Just putting down on paper or screen whatever pops into my head first. Oftentimes this writing is self-reflexive, both personally and of itself as writing. When in doubt: write about writing. The trick is to not think too hard about it. Just let the words flow through you. Thankfully I tend to average 80+ wpm, so my writing is able to keep pace with my thoughts to some extent.
This style of writing I find to be cathartic and relaxing. It’s just an outpouring of whatever is inside of you at the moment, and while it tends to meander a bit, it’s a good way to measure what’s going on inside. It’s a bit like meditation. Let the words come and go, simply passing from the inkling of a thought to the series of letters that pours out across the page. Just let the thought slip through and go on its way.
Eventually, though, after the usual pleasantries are exhausted, up come the little fears and worries that dog your unconscious mind, as if clearing away that earlier mental debris uncovered the scars and imperfections underneath. Self-doubt, fear, insecurity. It’s all there, and it tugs at the soul in often unexpected ways. Sometimes it’s good to let it air out. Perhaps exposing it to detached examination helps tease out the little knot these feelings build when they’re allowed to run about unchecked.
It’s not all bad up in my head, though. Honestly, I’ve cultivated a pretty relaxed, possibly even Zen mindset through years of personal exploration through meditation and the like. I like to take things as they come and tend to be very hopeful about the future, despite my procastinatory nature.
Overall, the goal here is to get something out on the page. Whatever it may be, and thus far I’ve done so in spades. In fact, as of now I’ve got about 330 words on page. 80 more than I’d challenged myself to, and continuing to roll now. Still, I don’t wanna push it too far for now, and this seems like a pretty decent stopping point, doncha think?
One things I’ve noticed in my journeys is the power of taking small steps, day by day. By creating a healthy routine and chipping away at large tasks, goals, or what have you, one can slowly but surely accomplish just about anything.
I’ve seen it reduced to small, pithy sayings such as “write every day”, and I’ve decided that this is something I want to do, as well. Looking at my life and prospects, I’ve got a degree in English that I don’t really use and experience in videogame development that I’ve let fall by the wayside in the struggles I’ve had with first depression, and then apathy. I’ve been directionless and unfocused, and my routine has generally been anything but.
This does not sit well with me. While I enjoy being laid back and easygoing, I do not like the feeling of being functionally useless. I want to challenge myself and make writing a habit. Work it into my routine.
I’ve been kicking around this whole blogging idea and concept for a while, but haven’t really done anything with it, and I feel that it is something that I can use to challenge myself. The goal is to challenge myself daily, so here is a challenge to myself: Write 250 words every day for the next week. This seems like a good, small, achievable goal. 250 words is not much, and I think is just long enough to write something meaningful.
Once I’ve got this routine going, I can start thinking about directing it towards something meaningful, but for now I think I’m going to just start free writing. Just whatever pops into my head. Maybe some of it will be interesting, maybe not. Who knows? We’ll see.
What is most important in life?
It’s not that Conan bullshit about oppression or some shit.
This here’s my shortlist.
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